In the middle of 8th grade I moved to a small town with my grandparents. I was a fairly active child at that time. When I moved to my grandparents I became bored very often and no longer enjoyed playing outside on my own. I had gotten used to having other children around to spend time with and play games, but at my grandparents I was alone. I love my grandparents to death, they are like a second set of parents to me, and they've shown me what a stable family is like.
To cope with my boredom I would eat. My grandfather LOVES sweets so there was always something quick to grab that was completely not good for me. Not to mention grandma's fried Chicken. I never felt like I wasn't beautiful, my grandparents loved me just the same. They never mentioned my weight. And honestly it wasn't that bad, but many small bad decisions lead to a large bad problem. By the time I graduated High School I was maybe 170 pounds. Which isn't all that terrible and was probably something I could have dealt with.
My Freshman year of college wasn't all that terrible and I really stayed at a level weight. I was happy and active. Before my Sophomore year of college my aunt became sick and I started helping her out around her house. I also started a new job that summer. In the fall my grandmother was diagnosed with breast cancer and had a mastectomy, removing her left breast. Once school started I became overwhelmed with classes and work. At the start of Spring Semester I decided not to re-enroll in classes because my grades had started to drop significantly. On March 17, 2008 my aunt was brought to the hospital for cirrhosis of the liver. She was moved to a nursing home in May of 2008, at that time we were told she would live 2 to 3 months.
Over the course of 2008 my grandmother's Alzheimers progressed extensively. On December 18, 2008 my grandfather had a heart attack. On the 20th I was in a minor car accident on the way to see him in the hospital.
I started 2009 hoping and praying things would get better, my aunt was living at her own home again, walking without a walker and my grandfather had 4 stents put in during an out patient surgery. After all that had happened you'd think it would get better right? Especially since I was moving into my own apartment.
On January 23, 2009 I got a flat tire on the way to work at 5 am [Not fun]. That night I came home and was in bed by 8:30 pm. My mom called and asked me to come stay at her house because she needed to go to my aunts. It was at that time I learned my aunt passed away in her sleep. On the 25th my alternator went out on my car. I missed 4 days of work because of the car and the funeral. I adopted my [now] almost 11 year old dog Snoopers, a pekingese toy poodle, on Saturday January 31. Then I proceeded to fall down three concrete steps the very next day. Let me tell you that impaling your hand with the University of Minnesota "M" is not as much fun as it sounds. The two "bumps" of morphine however were.
In March of 2009 I lost my job. I started a new job that required a lot of traveling. By January of 2010 my weight had gone up to 260 lbs and I wanted to make a change. I started a "real" job in May of 2010 and was going to relocate to Chicago in September of this year. I spent a lot of time planning and working and not paying attention to myself. In the time I was at my "real" job I didn't focus on a diet; I didn't work out. I basically worked as many hours possible, spent about 2 hours in traffic every day and slept. I became exhausted and when things didn't work out to move I still left my job. Now I'm looking for a job again, but also hoping I can learn to manage the stress in my life and become a better person physically and emotionally. Over the 6 months I had a job I gained 30 pounds, which means I am at my highest weight of 290. And it scares me to think that I'll never be able to get back where I was. I want to find someone to love me for me. I can understand weight being an issue, but I hope someday I can be loved for both the outside me as well as the inside me. I can't be with someone who only wants me when I'm their perfect picture.
I hope I can get down to 175, at the very least. I do a lot of strength training with kettlebells as well as cardio. Women will not bulk up by lifting weights, I just want to make that clear. If you've heard different you're listening to the wrong person. Don't go to the gym and lift 5 pound weights, most people's purses are 10 pounds [at the least] and grocery bags are just as heavy. CHALLENGE yourself, otherwise you're just wasting your time in the gym.
I think the first step is realizing you have a problem and where it comes from. I think I've done that, now I just need to overcome it.
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